Phase 2
A professional way to sum things up:
The process of reflective listening unfolds like a carefully choreographed dance, where each participant respects the rhythm and structure of the exchange. The sharer begins by articulating their thoughts and feelings for up to three minutes, using “I” statements to express their perspective clearly and avoiding any attacking language or name-calling. An alarm on the sharer's phone breaks up the process into sizeable bites for reflection as it is hard to reflect back more that a few minutes.
The listener then steps into their role with attentiveness, reflecting back the sharer's message by paraphrasing or restating it without judgment, defensiveness, or personal bias. For instance, the listener might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling undervalued in our discussions and wish your opinions were more acknowledged. Is that what you meant?” This reflection serves to confirm the listener’s understanding of the sharer's viewpoint.
The sharer then responds, either validating the listener’s reflection or providing additional clarification if needed. This mutual exchange continues, each participant carefully navigating their role in the conversation, until both feel fully understood. The process is repeated, with the sharer and listener swapping roles and respecting the time limits and reflective practices. This dance of sharing and reflecting fosters a space of empathy and respect, ensuring that both individuals can engage in a supportive and constructive dialogue, ultimately leading to a deeper connection and resolution.
Example of a 3rd round:
Sharer: When you get home I really need your help. The kids are getting on my nerves and I need to make dinner. I tell you this everyday. All of my attempts to get you to change are unsuccessful and you zone out on the couch.
Listener: So what I hear you saying is you need my help right when I get home and that I have failed to hear your calls for help?
Sharer: Yes.